Part One

In the travelling circus of Schmekel Lumpcyst...

The Bearded Lady knew her child bearing days were coming to an end as new, strange desires filled her with a need she had never felt before- she knew must give birth. Her seven (well-hung) dwarf husbands had been trying to provide her a baby for years, but the poor dwarves were infertile, impotent and unable to impregnate her. So, one night, after consulting the wise fortuneteller, the Bearded Lady went in search of a prick that would fill her with the holy seed of life.  


She had always held harmless flirtations with members of the circus. The Fishman was her first stop and upon hearing her plight he was more than happy to oblige. He got right to work pumping away until he fell unconscious without spilling any seed, a failure for the Bearded Lady. 

Unknowingly guided by celestial energies, the Bearded Lady explained her disposition to Caine, the strongman of the circus. They exchanged a look of recognition as he took her in his arms. Softly Caine whispered a secret he hadn’t shared with anyone in the circus- he said, "I've got a surprise, my name is Cathy, though I go by Caine…” This transgendered news transfixed the Bearded Lady to complete devastation. Inconsolable and desperate, the Bearded Lady begged Caine for help. They cuddled and gossiped about the circus, the Sword Swallowers superfluous load, and grew a powerful bond between them. As Caine grew more comfortable she finally divulged a secret of nine mystical Clowns, from the time of her body transformation, which could fill the Bearded Lady with the sacred seed. And so it came to pass that Little Brown Kitty was conceived of the Bearded Lady and the Nine Clowns. 

Your mother is a whore...

After the conception of Little Brown Kitty, things moved very fast. The pregnancy between clown and human is known to have a rapid gestation period and before the month was out the Bearded Lady had given birth to our Divine Savior, the Great Brown One we know as Little Brown Kitty.

The night was cold and the sky was clear as Schmekel Lumpcyst stood over the Bearded Lady coaxing out Little Brown Kitty. A great push with a might gush spewed forth the Great Brown One into existence. Schmekel Lumpcyst looked into the eyes of Little Brown Kitty and knew in an instant what she was and would become. He blessed her with all the power of all the gods that he knew and gave her over to the Bearded Lady, whose unconditional love reigned down on her. 

It was not long before the Dwarves caught wind of the Bearded Lady's betrayal and in a fit of jealous rage the seven dwarves went on a rampage. They killed all of the Bearded Lady’s previous affairs and flirtations, before setting their sights on Little Brown Kitty. Upon confrontation, the Bearded Lady confessed all and pleaded the Dwarves take up fatherhood for Little Brown Kitty. The Dwarves being too proud could not bring themselves to take a child that was not truly their own. They chased Little Brown Kitty and the Bearded Lady into the woods, separating and pursuing them until dawn. 

Hiding in a tree, Little Brown Kitty, deflated by fear and chaos, cried herself to sleep. In the morning, she came down from the tree to find her mother's body, throat slit and beard shaved. So it came to pass that Little Brown Kitty wandered away alone and hoping that the chaos and violence of her genesis would not follow her until her death.

Upon hearing the Dwarves' violent escapade, Schmekel Lumpcyst trailed into the woods desperately in search of the Bearded Lady. He found her, as Little Brown Kitty had, and said a small prayer before he cut open, removed her womb, and perserved the sacred organ so that Little Brown Kitty might fulfill her destiny.

Building a monument to Brown...

Little Brown Kitty traveled the world, she spent many cold and lonely nights gazing up at the stars, pondering her own existence; she also spent many days staring at walls and pondering the wall's existence. She took up residence with a pair of unsuspecting human males and made her life as simple as possible. She would spend the evenings warm inside and the days out chasing squirrels and spiders and bees. Her life became a celebration.

In the walls of the home where she lived was a colony of carpenter ants and through their antennas they picked up the divine frequencies of Little Brown Kitty. The elder ants convened and vowed to bask upon the glory of the Brown. Generation after generation, this colony worshiped the Great Brown One spreading the word of her glory to all the ant colonies around the world and universe. Pilgrimages to the dwelling place of the Holy Cat brought much wealth to the colony of Brown's home and in a show of gratitude, the ants commissioned work on a monument to Little Brown Kitty.

Generations spent their lives building this monument and after the twelfth generation the last ant placed the final stone and completed the wondrous monument that still stands today in honor of Little Brown Kitty's love and generosity towards all living things.

Enough land to conquer until Valhalla...

A swarm of fleas were riding the back of a possum when they heard of a new god called Little Brown Kitty and they scoffed at the idea of anything worshiping a stupid cat- "Cats aren't gods!" the Patriachal Flea declared "Cats are foods! Let's put this pussy in her place." Cheers erupted from the throng of Fleas and a chant took up: "Drain that pussy! Drain that pussy!" The swarm advanced and overtook the house of Little Brown Kitty and upon seeing her the Patriarchal Flea declared, "She's big enough to feed our whole swarm, Valhalla for any who die in the fight to conquer this pseudo-god!"


The fleas bore down and covered her body in minutes.  Little Brown Kitty became entangled in a war that she did not yet understand and would come to plague her throughout her lives. In the final moment of the war, the fleas swarmed her eyes as she desperately clawed away ripping them from their sockets. Brown wept and cried as the fleas fed away at her. She was overcome, the fleas had won.

I can't believe in anything, I'm just an animal, I want to eat...

Blinded and plagued by the swarm of Fleas, Little Brown Kitty found herself lost in a world of darkness. She could not think properly as holes began to form in her brain; she knew her time was coming to an end, but felt she had so much more to do.


Overcome with starvation Little Brown Kitty made a final desperate attempt to get inside and find food, ripping her claws from her paws, and tearing open her chest. In the madness and the chaos of her first life, Little Brown Kitty's life ended with the symbolic and literal eating her own heart and ascending to Purgatory and onward to her second life on her path to enlightenment.



part two

Coming soon...

Little Brown Kitty

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